RIB-OFF REVIEW
Rib-Off XXI
Wow! What a GREAT Rib-Off!!! Possibly the best ever...certainly the best in recent memory (in spite of three "Bonehead Moves" from H.H.T.J.!) As you read this missive, be looking for mention of those "Bonehead Moves" (each of which are directly related to his CRS Syndrome!) Here we go...
The date was October 15, 2005 and the weather was PERFECT for ribbing (72º at 12:00 noon!!!!)
The contest was again held down at Max's Landing and I'm now confident that the Rib-Off has finally found a permanent home!
Here are the details of Rib-Off XXI, and they should be fairly accurate, since the event was only two days ago!...
Judging Staff
Back in 1993, David "Weemer" Weems joined the fray with two of his co-workers from Birmingham Packaging Corporation. One of those two players was Blaine "Massuh" Tharpe, who is now the Manager of The world-famous 5-Star Plantation over in Alexander City. A couple of months ago, Blaine decided to have a "Mini" Rib-Off at 5-Star and H.H.T.J. was invited to attend as a "guest" Competitor on the Master-Basters team. The Master-Basters placed 2nd in that competition (a travesty!) and it was obvious (at least to H.H.T.J.!) that the officiating was "less than adequate"!
Well, being the charitable soul he is, H.H.T.J. decided to invite "Massuh" to serve as a "Deputy Judge" of a REAL Rib-Off and as a special favor to The Master-Basters, agreed to allow them to see the "inner workings" of a Rib-Off Judging Staff, as well.
Consequently, we had three "Rookie" Judges this year and they were all awesome adjudicators! They were D.J. Blaine "Massuh" Tharpe, D.J. Holland "H.P." Powell and D.J. Joe "The Janitor" Gardner.
In addition to these new Judges, D.J. David "Big D" Pitts officiated his second contest, D.J. "Mad" Max Tezanos served at his third competition and S.E.C.D.J. Gordon "Gordo" McLendon adjudicated his 6th Rib-Off.
The judging was impartial, the rulings were swift and each Judge got lots of "Special Attention" from the Competitors, their Pilgrims and the Cheerleaders! The Judges really dig that!
Teams
There were 10 teams competing in Rib-Off XXI and the competition was friendly, yet fierce! Five of the teams had played before (two were seasoned veterans) and the other five were a bunch of "Rookie Ribbers".
The fact is, with few exceptions, the rookies put on just as good a show as the veterans! As a matter of fact, this year's Rib-Off Championship went to a team that has never competed before...ever! For a complete list of the team names and the competitors, simply click here.
Pilgrims & Armadillos
Best estimates are that, along with the 30 competitors, we had several hundred Pilgrims and, thank goodness, very few Armadillos! Bonehead move #1...H.H.T.J. forgot to order the Port-a-Potties (for the ladies)! Miracle save #1...He opened the side door to The Swamp and announced that any ladies who needed to "freshen up" could do so in real bathrooms...The ladies LOVE H.H.T.J.!
Best of Show & Best Ribs
Team KFC, captained by Mark "Hot Wings" Woodson captured the "Best of Show" trophy AGAIN, due in large part to his "Cheerleaders", who did an excellent job of making the Judges feel really special! (In large part, my big 'ol Butt!...It was ALL due to their Cheerleaders!...H.H.T.J.)
Team Captain Chris "Rooster" Ross, really had something to crow about this year! In their 1st competition EVER, Team Ross Hog pulled off a rare feat...they won the "Best Ribs" title and are this years Rib-Off Champions! Their secret sauce was delicious (I hear he's thinkin' about sellin' it to the public!) and their ribs were cooked perfectly!
Other details of the competition are sketchy and there's not much more to say!
Rib-Off Chip-Off Champion
Beech Creek was the site of the 3rd Annual Rib-Off Chip-Off! Here's the deal...competitors pay $1 per chance to chip a golf ball off an Astroturf door mat (Bonehead move #2...H.H.T.J. forgot the doormat and they had to hit off the dirt...Sorry guys, no Miracle save here!) into a floating hula-hoop approximately 60 yards away with whoever can ring it taking all of the money collected up to that point. However, the target proved to be elusive once again and this year we had to have a "closest to the target" competition to determine the winner. Unbelievably, S.E.C.D.J. Gordon "Gordo" McLendon was eventually declared the winner (for the second time in three years!) and I think he won about $235!
Stick Horse Rodeo
The Stickhorse Rodeo is back on!
Unknown to anybody, D.J. David "Big D" Pitts has secretly been raising a young colt (from birth) just to participate in this sorely missed Rib-Off event and he brought the colt out for this year's event!
The colts name? "Merlin The Magic Wonder Horse" and boy, is he something to see! Although he only stands 14 hands high, you can tell there's Championship blood coursing through his veins just by watching him perform! What a Stud!
Merlin took top honors in all the Stickhorse events this year and watching him perform reminded me of "Sea Biscuit's" glorious 1938 season of victories. This is definitely a horse to keep your eyes on!
Rib-Off Entertainment
Bonehead move #3...H.H.T.J. forgot to hire a performer for this year's event! Miracle save #2...the Alabama/Old Miss game started at 11:00 a.m. (Alabama won!) and we watched it on a big-screen TV (borrowed from The Swamp!). Miracle save #3...The game lasted until 2:30 p.m. and when it was over Adrian "A.J." Johnson whipped out his axe, grabbed the mike and played for the remainder of the afternoon! (Thanks, A.J.!...H.H.T.J.)
Rib-Off Theme Song
For the first time in a long time, there was renewed interest in the Rib-Off Theme Song Competition and there were 5 songs nominated:
| SONG TITLE | ARTIST | NOMINATED BY |
| "Good 'Ol Boys"
(Dukes of Hazard Theme Song) |
Waylon Jennings | Team Ross Hog |
| "Take Me Home" | Mark Boudreau | Max Tezanos |
| "Whiskey Bent & Hell Bound" | Hank Williams, Jr. | Team Medina |
| "If That Ain't Country" | David Allan Coe | Colleen Gardner |
| "Barbeque" | Robert Earl Keen | The Pig Kickers |
Because two of the nominated songs already had the distinction of being theme songs of past Rib-Offs, H.H.T.J. was forced to declare them "scratched" from consideration, which left "Good 'Ol Boys", "Take Me Home" and "Barbeque" to be voted on.
Although "Good 'Ol Boys had a strong contingent of supporters, the title went to "Barbeque" by Robert Earl Keen (seems apropos, doesn't it?...H.H.T.J.).
The crowd agreed that "Take Me Home" had a great beat and they gave it an 8 on the "Dance-O-Meter", but it just didn't feel "Country" enough!