RIB-OFF HISTORY

"How It All Began..."

Rib-Off I

In 1980, two young officers at First Alabama Bank of Birmingham, Richard "Big Fella" Harris & Felton "Slow Smoke Slim" Smith were bantering about who could cook the best ribs. Their Branch Manager (and avid golfer), G. Steve Wilkes, concluded that the only way to settle the argument would be to have a "Sudden-Death" Rib-Off and that the least he could do would be to officiate! The date for Rib-Off I was set for October 25, 1980 and was held at the Simpson mansion (Felton had been hired to house-sit!) on top of Red Mountain, overlooking downtown Birmingham. The "Big Fella" took the title and the Rib-Off was born!

Rib-Off II

Held at Bill Harris’ home at Lake Tuscaloosa on May 2, 1981. The South Carolina Delegation (headed by newly appointed Deputy Judge Bob "Fatback" Green) flew into the event in a National Guard helicopter! This Rib-Off was preceded by a concert featuring Willie Nelson & Delbert McClinton on Thursday and the 1st ever Rib-Off Golf Tournament on Friday! Realizing that the scope of the event had broadened significantly, the name was changed to THE SOUTHEASTERN SUDDEN-DEATH RIB-OFF CHAMPIONSHIPS (S.E.S.D.R.O.C.). In a feat that may never be duplicated, "Big Fella" was the victor, for the second consecutive year!

The "Lost Rib-Offs" (III, IV & V)

The records and statistics of the next few Rib-Offs were lost when hurricane Hattie hit the S.E.S.D.R.O.C. headquarters in the spring of 1984. Using a hypnotist and mind-expanding drugs, we were able to get the following details about those few competitions out of the survivors.

Rib-Off III

Although no one can remember exactly where the contest was held, they think the Rib-Off was moved back to Birmingham and was played on October 24, 1981.

Rib-Off IV

"His Honor The Judge", G. Steve Wilkes, Esq. recalls that the venue was up near Smith Lake in 1982 and although he doesn’t remember who all attended, who won or even what time of year the contest was held, he's pretty sure that it was a lot of fun and that a bunch of people got drunk and stuff!

Rib-Off V

Again contested in Birmingham (in Mountain Brook!) and known as the infamous "Pool Party Rib-Off" this contest marked the end of a dynasty...the administration of "His Honor The Judge", G. Steve Wilkes, Esq..

H.H.T.J.'s wife, Joy, was heard to remark, "That's the last @#&^ time your narrow ass is going to adjudicate any more #*&^% Rib-Offs…you got that?". In true Rib-Off fashion, Steve sternly responded, "Yes dear!".

The Move To Selma

In 1989, after a 6 year hiatus, the S.E.S.D.R.O.C. was resurrected by the self-appointed H.H.T.J., Bob "Fatback" Green & his baby brother Woody "The Molecule" Green. Woody was appointed to serve as Deputy Judge since he was nice enough to provide the location for this year's competition!

Rib-Off VI

This years contest, was held on April 29, 1989 at "The Hugo Hilton" (Woody’s farm near Linden, AL) and saw the field increased to 7 teams. Using a recipe card given to him by his "Dear Ol' Dad", Clint "Tron" Wilkinson won in a hotly contested battle, fraught with controversy and arguments, which, according to the competitors, made the whole thing funner than hell!". This was the first time that a team (Tom "Boss Hog" Bolton, Claude "Scoop" Rivers & Jimmy "Too Tall" Elliott) was ever awarded bonus points for showing up at the contest @ 9:00 a.m., already drunk!

The Ides Club Becomes Sponsor

Rib-Off VII

After the phenomenal success of the Hugo competition, the Selma Ides Club sent in their sponsors petition to the Rib-Off Home Office in Eagle Pass, TX, for the Rib-Off Board of Governors to consider. The petition was granted on April 30th, 1990 (Willie Nelson’s Birthday) and Rib-Off VII was held on May 19th of that year at the country home of Ides Club President, Tommy "Yo' Honor"" Jones. Ides club member Jack "J.C." Callen took top honors at the event, and the world got it's first taste of Pierce "Teke" Lane ...the drunkest man ever to still be standing!

Rib-Off VIII

1991 was a momentous year in Rib-Off history and Rib-Off VIII will always be remembered for it’s "Mud Dancin’ Melee", which changed the course of ribbing forever! Held at Buzzy Zeigler’s place, on the north bank of the Alabama River, this was unquestionably an episode in the Rib-Off chronology that will be hard to forget. Those that attended the affair speak reverently about what happened that day, but good taste and decorum prevent me from elucidating those events in this chronicle. Suffice to say that a good time was had by all, and Mike "Wood Duck" Wood was that years champion.

Rib-Off IX

Held on Memorial Day weekend for the first time and in a much more subdued setting, on the south bank of the Alabama River, Rib-Off IX saw record numbers in both teams competing (22) and in Pilgrims & Armadillos attending! Although the format had been changed somewhat, the competition remained stiff and in the first truly non-biased, objective judging, Tom "Rocket Man" Cammack won the "Best Ribs" award. In keeping with Rib-Off tradition, a "Best of Show" competition was introduced in 1992 to reward the team who collected the most bonus points! These bonus points are available at the judges discretion for various intangibles such as costumes, cooking area decoration, unique grills, good looking cheerleaders, and for a multitude of bribes to the judges (Money, Whiskey, Women or Food). The first to take home "Best of Show" honors were Ides club members Jimmy "Boom Boom’ Cothran & Kenny "One Dawg" Perdue, along with South Carolinian, Jerry "River Rat" Boyce, who last competed in Rib-Off II! The team excelled in the unique grill, area decoration and pretty cheerleader categories. Over 13 years after the idea first became a reality The S.E.S.D.R.O.C. celebrated it’s 10th Anniversary!!!

Rib-Off X

Rib-Off X is a memory now (albeit a hazy memory!), but Armadillos, Pilgrims, Competitors and Judges alike have agreed that, as has been the case with prior S.E.S.D.R.O.C. competitions, last years event was a "smashing" success! (At least everybody I saw was pretty well smashed! ...Ed.)

Anyway, The Ides Club can take pride in having hosted another monumental event, which will go down in Rib-Off history as "The year of the Duck!" since Mike "The Wood Duck" Wood accomplished the unbelievable…a repeat! The "Wood Duck" now joins Richard "Big Fella" Harris as the only Captain to hold more than one win in the "Best Ribs" competition.

"Best of Show" honors went to former Judge, Mike "Mr. BBQ" Hancock and his teammates George "Paul Prudome" McVay and Menzo "I'm not Worthy" Driskell. Some say it was unfair for a former judge to compete because he supposedly has the "inside track" on what it takes to win. In actuality, what the judges look for is no secret! Good food, great whiskey and pretty women will do it every time!

We seem to set new records every year, and this year was no exception! Competition was at an all time high with 23 teams vying for the title, and Rib-Off X saw the first ever all-female team to compete! Although they were unsuccessful in their bid for the Championship this time, they were definitely the best looking team in the field and certainly attracted the most attention from the judges. Perhaps all-female teams are the future of the S.E.S.D.R.O.C., as they have a couple of distinct advantages over their all-male competition!

The Golf Ball Driving Competition was hotly contested down by the river and although a number of golfers were successful in "Driving the River" only Tim "Jarhead" Troha was able to match the consistency of the venerable host... Web "Conehead" Manderson.

Discretion dictates that the winner of the Beautiful Breast Contest not be revealed in print, but suffice to say that this years winner acquired numerous bonus points for her team and is worthy of consideration for induction into the Rib-Off Breast Hall of Fame!

Once again the "Stick horse Rodeo" was won by H.H.T.J., Bob "Fatback" Green, because, once again, he was the only person to bring a stick horse! When queried about his unparalleled winning streak in this event, Fatback was quoted as saying, "I’ve owned Wanda the Wonder Horse for many years now and although she was better as a three year old, she now has the experience and savvy to be competitive year after year. In fact, if things keep going the way they have for the past several years, I don’t think she will ever be beat!".

In another first in S.E.S.D.R.O.C. history, Rib-Off X was held at the same location as last year! Mark & Pat Martin were kind (or dumb) enough to have us back at their beautiful Alabama River home "Fox Hall". One of the most beautiful ribbing venues that we have ever had, Fox Hall offered all the amenities that we required for a first class competition. If it hadn't been for the long drive competition, held down by the river, we might still be ribbing at Fox Hall today! As it was, the "Tee Box" was left in such a state of disarray (beer cans, whiskey bottles, bras, panties, etc.) that Mark & Pat respectfully requested that from now on, we should have the S.E.S.D.R.O.C. at some other location, preferably another state!

Rib-Off XI

This year’s Rib- Off saw another change of venue and it appears that the S.E.S.D.R.O.C. has finally found a home!

Held at the Camp Upton and Camp Long Federal Campsites (down by the river) at Battlefield Park in downtown Selma, most judges, competitors and pilgrims agree that this is the ideal place for our annual soiree’!

Because A.C.D.J. Molecule (who serves as Archivist, Statistician, Keeper of the Records and Official Historian of the S.E.S.D.R.O.C.) was seen sneaking off behind the bushes for a private breast-viewing, it has become obvious to H.H.T.J. that there was no record kept of who won the various competitions in this year’s contest. However, ...after 30 minutes of in-depth thinking, it has been remembered that the team headed by former E.C.D.J. Mike "Mr. BBQ" Hancock took top honors in the "Best of Show" category because "Rocket Man's" secret weapon showed her boobs to the wrong judge!

This years "Best Ribs" winner was decided only after H.H.T.J. demonstrated his ability to make a tough decision. It seems that the "Yuppie" team, whose roster included Bob "Cookie" Morrow, Holland "H.P." Powell and Barry "Hopsing" Stapp had a problem. The team members were arguing among themselves (fueled, no doubt, by the green Bullfrog "hunch-punch" they were imbibing!) about whose ribs should be entered into the judging! In order to keep peace and restore harmony to the Rib-Off, H.H.T.J. granted them a special dispensation (fueled, no doubt, by the green Bullfrog "hunch-punch" they gave him!) and allowed them to enter all three recipes.

The results? … First place honors to "Cookie", second to "Hopsing" and dead-ass last to "H.P."!!!!

Rib-Off history is made once again!

Rib-Off XII

Rib-Off XII was held on Memorial Day for the 4th time, at Riverside Park for the 2nd time and by all accounts will go down in Rib-Off history as one of the most controversial events ever!

The country music was fantastic, the girls were beautiful, the whiskey was smooth, the cigars were sweet and the ribs were "fit to eat!". However, there were several "incidents" that marred the event.

1) The team of Floyd "Mush" Plummer, Ed "Hardball" Beers and Walter "Caboose" Traylor started this years event off with a bang, when one of their Pilgrims began calling for "Ralph & Earl" two hours before the competition even started! It seems that the aforementioned Pilgrim had a slight intolerance to "White Lightnin'" & Mello Yello! Since the contest had not "Officially" begun, the Judges were unable to award bonus points for being drunk early and because the violator was removed from the premises, they were prohibited from assessing a penalty for "Pass Outs Before Dark".

2) Then, Lamar "Hollywood" Jackson was tried and convicted of "Hoss Russlin'", when it was determined that he had arranged for the kidnapping of H.H.T.J.'s faithful steed, Wanda the Wonder Horse. "Fatback" showed leniency to "Hollywood", when Wanda was returned a little shook up from her ordeal, but otherwise unharmed.

3) Later, a drunk pilgrim (who shall remain nameless, even though we all know his initials are U.F.) violated Rib-Off Commandment VII which reads, " Thou shalt not covet thy competitor’s woman or even an Armadillo’s woman without obtaining prior consent". Consequently, he found himself face-down in the mud, with a split lip! Not much of a fight, but the first (and hopefully, the last) case of documented violence at a Rib-Off.

4) Finally, one of our veteran Judges, Ed "Sunny" Greene, succumbed to the wiles of a female Pilgrim and decided to take an unscheduled river cruise at the exact same time the votes were being tallied! He, therefore, failed to turn in his score sheet which (it turns out) would have completely changed the results of the competition!

Appeals were filed, complaints were judiciously studied and after hearing from all of the parties involved, H.H.T.J. ruled that the "results were official"! The team Captained by Tom "Rocket Man" Cammack was crowned "Best of Show", while the rookie team from Safford, Captained by Steve "Bird Man" Irwin captured the trophy for "Best Ribs"!

"Rocket Man" humbly accepted the award and thanked, "everyone on his team and in his camp for their contribution to the team’s success". Mike "Mr. BBQ" Hancock, who filed the formal complaint and appeal was quoted as saying, "@#$%^&* you, your Honor, you low-down, dirty, @#$%^&*and the stickhorse you rode in on!". In response, H.H.T.J. was heard to say, "who, me?".

Rib-Off XIII

Although we have always enjoyed Rick "Guitar Man" Williams singing at past events, for the first time ever, we had a live band at Rib-Off XIII! Paul "Deserter" Davis arranged for his brother's band, "The Leavin' Brothers" out of Nashville, to play for us all afternoon! The band was fantastic, the music was super, the dancin' was fast and furious and the house was rockin'!

For the first time since Rib-Off VIII, your reporter (H.H.T.J.) got a touch of "Alcohol Poisoning" at this year's event and as a result, has trouble remembering the details of the contest. I do remember that a beautiful Pilgrim was kind enough to include me in a private breast viewing, but other than that, I'm lost! If any of you other Judges, Competitors, Pilgrims or Armadillos happen to remember anything about what went on, I will be glad to publish your recollections here!

The thing that sticks out the most in my mind is that we had an unprecedented number of uninvited Armadillos show up, just because they heard the band as they traveled down the river. There were dozens of boats at the river and hundreds of people that nobody knew, just wandering around the grounds, drinking beer, eating ribs and listening to the music. It was weird, and yet, kinda cool!

As I recall, Chuck "Used Car Man" Utsey's team won "Best Ribs" and Mike "Mr. BBQ" Hancock's team won "Best of Show" for the third time (this year he brought the secret weapon!), which makes Mike the only person to hold more than two Rib-Off titles.

I'm pretty sure Rick "Guitar Man" Williams won the Long Drive contest, and I think Wanda was finally defeated in the stickhorse rodeo, which is probably why the rest of the day is just a haze!

Rib-Off XIV

This year's contest was played on May 17, 1997 and was much more subdued than previous competitions for a couple of reasons.

2) H.H.T.J. decided that it was time for the S.E.S.D.R.O.C. to enter the information age, so rather than publish a paper version of "The Rib-Off Review", he decided to put up this web page @ http://www.fatback.net (This is a fancy way of saying time got away from me and the only chance I had to redeem myself was with the web! ...Ed.)

Well, as you might imagine, there was a rather steep learning curve for yours truly and the page wasn't up and running until the first of May. Consequently, a number of our participants did not get details until late, if at all. Hopefully, the word is out that the page is up and people can now get details any time they want to about future Rib-Offs.

We only had 14 teams in this year's competition (and only three Judges) so everybody got a lot of "personal" attention. We were due for a break, and this year's event was very enjoyable for everyone who attended.

Although, they were unsuccessful their first time out, we had three rookie teams who put on a good show (and had incredibly energetic cheerleaders!) so they deserve a mention. The teams were:

1) Jeff "Doughboy" Cole, Matt "Freebird" Free and Scott "Tough" Calloway

2) Will "Lil' Fish" Pearce, Paul "Han" Hansell and William "Dub" Free

3) Todd "Red Bag" Dawson, David "Catfish" Pearce and Ryan "Baby Love" Lovelady

As we all know, "Fatback" never makes a mistake, however he did grant these three teams a special dispensation that caused a few problems. What happened was, H.H.T.J. allowed these three teams to share a common ribbing area because the fools only brought one grill! Each team member had to accept the agreement that there would be no "Off-Sides" penalties called and that they would not mess with the other teams ribs.

Although things were quiet for a while, it became obvious that the plan wasn't working at about 4:00 p.m. when 5 of the 9 team members were discovered rasslin' and play fightin' all over the Rib-Off grounds. Although nobody was hurt seriously, they ripped three T-Shirts, spilled almost a six-pack of Milwaukee's Best, knocked over two chairs, damaged a tennis shoe and lost two condoms. Fortunately, their ribs came through unscathed and they were able to complete the game.

Because of this unfortunate event, H.H.T.J. has ruled that he will never allow more than one team to occupy the same ribbing area, ever again!

	"Best Ribs" went to the "Dukes of Hazard" team! Pictured at left are Paul "Deserter" Davis, Chad "Hotel Man" McCowan and Ashley "Blues Man" Aaron,
	"Best of Show" accolades were awarded (for an unprecedented fourth time) to the team of Mike "Mr. BBQ" Hancock, George "Paul Prudome" McVay (shown at left) and Menzo "I'm Not Worthy" Driskell. (photo not available)

This years Long Drive Champion is once again, Web "Conehead" Manderson and, since no other stickhorse showed, Wanda, the Wonder Horse ("Fatback's" personal steed) obliterated the competition in the stickhorse rodeo!

Rib-Off XV

Once again, the date caused a few problems because, instead of having it on "Memorial Day Weekend" (5/23/98), it was decided that, since we had an "extra weekend" this year, we would have it on "Memorial Day", which fell on May 30, 1998. Knowing that you can't please all of the people all of the time, H.H.T.J. was quoted as saying, "Unless Hell Freezes Over", the PERMANENT date for all future Rib-Offs will be "Memorial Day Weekend" (except, of course, if H.H.T.J. can't make it!). We're talking about the 3-day weekend when Memorial Day is celebrated, you follow?" (Next year's contest will be on May 29, 1999).

Anyway, this was the weekend we chose and what a weekend it was! While announcing the winners of this year's contest, it occurred to me that this had been one of the best Rib-Offs that I could remember and although I couldn't put my finger on exactly why, I figured it had to be because everything had gone so well (except for the Rib-Off Scramble) the whole weekend!

Rib-Off Scramble/Poker Championship

We were able to complete only 7 holes of this year's Tournament before being rained out, but H.H.T.J. seized the opportunity to announced the formation of the 1st Annual Rib-Off Poker Championship.

H.H.T.J. further decreed that whoever won the Championship would pick up the tab for the Rib-Off Banquet later that night. The winner was John "Jew Baby" Blackenburg, who agreed to pay for everything on one condition... that we would tell his wife that it was a surprise Birthday party that he had planned just for her!

No Problem! H.H.T.J. ruled that the request was reasonable and officially declared it "Happy 40th Birthday Cindy" night! At that point, "Jew Baby" was so grateful that he went out and hired the band, "Dr. Feelgood", to come over from Montgomery and play for the banquet! The music was super and the free booze made for a happy bunch of Pilgrims.

Judging Staff

The Judges that H.H.T.J. appointed for Rib-Off XV were: A.C.D.J. Woody "The Molecule" Green (after a two-year absence), E.C.D.J. Tim "Jarhead" Troha, D.J. Jeff "Slingshot" Davis, D.J. Larry "Crowdog" Crowley and D.J. Jay "Straw Boss" Minter. The judging was impartial, rulings were swift and if "Straw Boss" hadn't gotten alcohol poisoning, we would have been able to finish a lot earlier!

As a certified "Efficiency Expert", H.H.T.J. decided to try out a plan this year to see if it made things run smoother and take some of the load off of the Judges. "Fatback" divided the Judging Staff into two groups. For the first group, he appointed "Executive Assistants" to help the Judge with his paperwork and assist in documenting the various bribes that they receive. The other three Judges were required to "fly solo" like they've always done in the past. After the competition, H.H.T.J. compared the efficiency of the two groups and decided the Executive Assistants program was such a resounding success that from now on, it will be a permanent part of the S.E.S.D.R.O.C.!

The Executive Assistants (and their respective Judges) this year were:

We are accepting applications from interested parties for next year's contest (men need not apply!). Along with the three E.A.'s listed above, the following applicants are on the "short list" for an E.A. position next year:

Teams, Pilgrims & Armadillos

There were 15 teams competing in Rib-Off XV and 4 of those teams were first timers! Click here to see the Team Rosters . Best estimates are that, along with the 45 competitors, we had approximately 250 Pilgrims and seven Armadillos that attended this year's event, so the crowd was a perfect size! Also, we did not have many uninvited guests come off the river for some reason...I don't know why! Anyway, the crowd was well-mannered and enthusiastic and were truly into the whole "ribbing" thing!

Best of Show

Three of the "Rookie" teams put on a pretty good showing this year. Dig this...

1) Mark "Hot Wings" Woodson, David "Mad Dog" Baumhauer and Lebo "Jonesburger" Jones took the "Best of Show" title!

2) The team of Adam "Bebo" Green, Michael "Tone" Dickinson and Jamie "Ray" Bender were third in the "Best Ribs" category, and

3) Robbie "Little Hawk" Morrow, Dan "Mr. Dan" Madril and Brod "The Prod" Harris placed fourth in "Best of Show".

Not bad for a bunch of Rooks!

Best Ribs

After giving up his judgeship and "entering the fray" six years ago, Mike "Mr. BBQ" Hancock finally took top honors in the "Best Ribs" competition! Although Mike has been "Best of Show" Champion an unprecedented four times (out of 5 years!) he can now claim that he is truly the Ultimate Rib-Off Champion!

Long Drive Champion

D.J. "Crowdog" officiated over the "Long Drive" competition and this year's winner was Lee "Lee Lee" Frazer. "Lee Lee", who kicked the ass of over 40 other competitors, was quoted as saying, "I believe I could hit a 9-iron over that river, if I could catch it just right!".

Stickhorse Rodeo

The Stickhorse competition was cancelled this year because Wanda the Wonder Horse was not feeling well and the other stickhorse owners knew that without Wanda, the win would be empty and without meaning. There's no doubt that Wanda is the horse to beat and you can bet that she'll be back next year raring' to go!

Rib-Off Band

We normally don't have a live band at the S.E.S.D.R.O.C., but from now on, that's gonna change! We were able to get one of Selma's favorite groups, the "Wayne Mills Band" from Tuscaloosa, and, as expected, they were fantastic! Wayne only brought his "acoustic" section this year, but the crowd loved them so much and Wayne had so much fun, that we have already booked him for Rib-Off XVI and he's agreed to bring his whole group! There is even the chance that we can get them to come in on Friday and do a concert out by the pool at the club after the Rib-Off Scramble! Pretty cool, huh?

Rib-Off Theme Song

This year's Official Rib-Off Theme Song was "Bad to the Bone" by George Thoroughgood, nominated by Jon "Showboat" Hayden. Although not a "classic" country song, H.H.T.J. granted "Showboat" a special dispensation because, as everybody knows... Thoroughgood rocks!

Editorial

All in all, I would have to say again that this might have been the best S.E.S.D.R.O.C. ever! The ribs never tasted better, the girls have never been prettier, the whiskey has never gone down smoother, the cigars were never sweeter and the music has never been more fantastic! I can't wait 'til next year!

.....H.H.T.J.

Rib-Off XVI

This date of this year's contest was May 29, 1999 and although there were only seven teams with the "stones" to compete, we had a huge crowd of Pilgrims and Armadillos which made the event feel larger than it was.  The most common statement expressed about why the turnout was so low was, "...we shouldn't have it on Memorial Day Weekend!  Everybody is out-of-town!"

Well, that may be true, but with the exception of last year's event, the Rib-Off has been held on Memorial Day weekend every year since Rib-Off IX in 1992 and we set an all-time high in 1993!  Perhaps the S.E.S.D.R.O.C. is getting to be "old-hat" or has lost some of it's excitement...I don't know.

The fact is that the poor showing at Rib-Off XVI has resulted in many changes which will affect future contests.  Read all about it at the News Flash.

Rib-Off Scramble & Honky Tonkin'

Due to the fact that we were unable to schedule the Rib-Off Scramble with the pro shop at the club, H.H.T.J. declared that it would become the 1st Annual Rib-Off Dogfight!  All the true "die-hard" golfers showed up to play, but when the dust settled, the team of Bob "Fatback" Green, Tim "Jarhead" Troha, Adam "Bebo" Green, Randall "The Streak" Beers and Karl "Achtung" Craig were victorious by three strokes!

The celebration was moved to Warren's Old Southern Tavern, which had been reserved exclusively for the Ides Club and their guests for the night.  A good time was had by all...nuff' said!

Judging Staff

Because of the small number of teams, H.H.T.J. decided to only appoint two Judges to assist him. They were: A.E.C.D.J. Tim "Jarhead" Troha and D.J. Jeff "Slingshot" Davis. The judging was impartial, rulings were swift and each Judge got lots of "Special Attention" from the Competitors, their Pilgrims and Cheerleaders!

The Executive Assistants (and their respective Judges) this year were:

We are accepting applications from interested parties for next year's contest (men need not apply!). Along with the three E.A.'s listed above, the following applicants are on the "short list" for an E.A. position next year:

Teams, Pilgrims & Armadillos

There were only 7 teams competing in Rib-Off XVI, but what we lacked in quantity, we made up for in quality! Click here to see the Team Rosters . Best estimates are that, along with the 21 competitors, we had approximately 200 Pilgrims and one damn Armadillo that attended this year's event, so the crowd was pretty respectable! Once again, we didn't have many uninvited guests come off the river...strange!

Best of Show & Best Ribs

Believe it or not, we had a Rib-Off First this year!

The team captained by Holland "H.P." Powell, anchored by Phillip "Tech-Weenie" Wheat and supported by Alston "Squirrel" Keith pulled a Rib-Off "Hat Trick"!  They won BOTH categories...Best Ribs AND Best of Show!

This team showed more team spirit, creativity and class than we have seen at a Rib-Off in years!  Their Polynesian village was fabulous, their martinis were powerful, their cheerleaders were pretty and their ribs were sweet & tangy (just the way we like 'em).

Just goes to show ya...the Old Farts can still get the job done!

Long Drive Champion

Last years Champion Lee "Lee Lee" Frazer officiated over the "Long Drive" competition and this year's winner was Lee "Lee Lee" Frazer. Damn...another Rib-Off First...a long-drive repeat!  "Lee Lee", kicked the ass of over 30 other competitors and was quoted as saying, "this TOO easy...bring me some competition!".

Stickhorse Rodeo

The Stickhorse competition was cancelled this year because Wanda the Wonder Horse escaped from her pen. If I can find her, she'll be back next year raring' to go!

Rib-Off Band

We weren't able to get the "Wayne Mills Band" from Tuscaloosa this year, 'cause Wayne moved and I couldn't find his new phone number.   Although we were disappointed at not getting them, Mark "Hot Wings" Woodson hired Michael (lastnameunknown) and damn if he didn't rock the house!  I mean this guy was really good!  It just goes to show ya...

Rib-Off Theme Song

This year's Official Rib-Off Theme Song was "She'd Rather Be Homeless (than here at home with me)" by Bobby Bare, nominated by Lee "Lee-Lee" Frazer. Although not well-known, it certainly a "classic" country song and speaks to many Rib-Off Judges, Competitors and Pilgrims!

Rib-Off XVII

The date of the "Millennium" Rib-Off was May 27, 2000 and boy did we see some changes with the new decade (must have had something to do with the Y2K bug!).

This was the first competition since H.H.T.J. took the event private and the first thing he did was change the venue to Mike "Mr. BBQ" Hancock's place down in the Golden Triangle.

The place was awesome!  There was plenty of shade and most of the teams were able to set up their areas on the bluff overlooking the Alabama River!  Although there were only five teams in the fray, the quality of competition was unparalleled.

Judging Staff

As mentioned previously, because of the small number of teams, H.H.T.J. decided to, once again, appoint only two Judges to assist him. They were, for the second year in a row: A.E.C.D.J. Tim "Jarhead" Troha and D.J. Jeff "Slingshot" Davis. The judging was impartial, rulings were swift and each Judge got lots of "Special Attention" from the Competitors, their Pilgrims and the Cheerleaders!

The Executive Assistants (and their respective Judges) this year were:

It seems that the Judges have evolved into a top-notch, well regarded group with extremely competent Executive Assistants and it is likely that there will be only minor changes in the staff for future competitions.

Teams, Pilgrims & Armadillos

There were only 5 teams competing in Rib-Off XVII, but, as usual, what we lacked in quantity, we made up for in quality!  Best estimates are that, along with the 15 competitors, we had approximately 100 Pilgrims and the same damn Armadillo that attends nearly every event, so the crowd was pretty respectable!  Because we were so far down river, we didn't have any uninvited guests and we like it that way!  H.H.T.J. may decide to keep having the competition at this location until they run us off or until Hancock loses his lease!

Best of Show & Best Ribs

The Y2KFC team captained by Mark "Hot Wings" Woodson ran away with the "Best of Show" competition for the second time in only three years of competition.  The Judges awarded bonus points to the Y2KFC team for bringing sofas, tables, rugs and love seats out to the Rib site and creating a "virtual living room" in their area.  Once again "Hot Wings" has raised the bar with another Rib-Off first!

Using a cheap-ass little fold-up grill and an antique Brinkman smoker, the team captained by Steve "Al Bundy" Todd was declared winner in the Best Ribs category.  It just goes to show ya'...it don't take a lot of money if you're good!

Long Drive Champion

Last years Champion Lee "Lee Lee" Frazer officiated over the "Long Drive" competition and this year's winner was Kory "Meatball" Taylor, which he won with the last shot of the competition!

Kory, who was the last to compete, was down to his final swing with a 5 wood and he "tagged that puppy"!  He was the only one to hit a 5 wood all the way over the river and kicked the ass of over 20 other competitors by doing so.  Kory was later heard to say, "I believe I got a little 'meat' into that one"!

Stick Horse Rodeo

The Stick horse competition was cancelled again this year because it appears that Wanda the Wonder Horse has run away from home. There is a substantial reward for anyone who can capture Wanda and return her to her home pasture.  Contact H.H.T.J. for details.

Rib-Off Karaoke

Being that this year's Rib-Off was, once again, a private event, the funds were not available to hire a real band.  It so happened that H.H.T.J. had heard tell of a new craze which has been sweeping the nation called "Karaoke" and he decided to introduce it as a potential Rib-Off activity at this years event.

Well, H.H.T.J. has made some dumb-ass decisions before, but damn!

I'm pretty sure that won't ever happen again!

Rib-Off Theme Song

This year's Official Rib-Off Theme Song was "Greasy Grit Gravy and Gizzard Greens by Bobby Bare, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, Dr. Hook & Shel Silverstein, nominated by Bob "Fatback" Green. Although not well-known, it certainly a "classic" country song and represents the very spirit of the S.E.S.D.R.O.C.! 

Rib-Off XVIII

Due to H.H.T.J.'s "domestic challenge", it was decided that it would probably be best for him to lay low and not conduct a Rib-Off for a couple of years or at least until the dust settles.

The concept of not having a Rib-Off was unthinkable to Kory "Meatball" Taylor and he, therefore, petitioned the S.E.S.D.R.O.C. Board of Directors for a temporary license to conduct his own event which, after much consternation was reluctantly granted on a probationary basis.

The date of the "Baby" Rib-Off was June 23, 2001 and the contest was moved back down to the Federal campsite at Riverside Park.

So that the "Meatball" wouldn't look too bad on his first attempt at administering an event, H.H.T.J. decided to help him out a bit.  First of all he agreed to serve as Head Judge and secondly he agreed to provide his motor home (the "Toy Box") for use as the Judges Headquarters and finally he agreed to arrange to have the site prep done and the port-a-potties delivered.

Because of H.H.T.J.'s involvement, the Board of Directors decided to repeal the probationary status and formally sanctioned the event.  Because of their action prior to the contest, Rib-Off XVIII will forever be recorded in the history books as an official event even though the Board was not pleased at how the event turned out afterwards.

Because of his limited funds, Kory found it necessary to accept donations from various persons and businesses to pay for all of the expenses that go along with running an event of this magnitude.  The problem was that, by accepting those donations the event effectively became "public" and therefore was open to anyone who wanted to participate either as a Competitor, a Pilgrim or as an Armadillo and the S.E.S.D.R.O.C. lost it's standing as an "invitation only" event.

After the event was over and mostly because of the completely unprovoked, personal, physical attack on H.H.T.J. by a "walk-on" Armadillo, the S.E.S.D.R.O.C. Board, at their annual meeting and conference in Las Vegas, voted unanimously to revoke "Meatball's " license and refused to sanction any further events that were open to the public.

Here are the details of Rib-Off XVIII, as best as I can recall...

Judging Staff

Since this was "Meatball's" first event,  H.H.T.J. decided to appoint only experienced, battlefield-tested, qualified Judges to assist him. They were, for the third year in a row: A.E.C.D.J. Tim "Jarhead" Troha and D.J. Jeff "Slingshot" Davis and in an unprecedented move, brought back for the fifth time, S.E.C.D.J. Mike "Mr. BBQ" Hancock.

As a special favor H.H.T.J. allowed the "Meatball" to serve as an "Apprentice" Judge and serve as Captain of his team (since he was responsible for planning the entire event)!  It didn't help..."Meatball" came in dead-ass-last!

The judging was impartial, rulings were swift and each Judge got lots of "Special Attention" from the Competitors, their Pilgrims and the Cheerleaders!  We really dig that!

Teams

There were 13 teams competing in Rib-Off XVIII and the competition was fierce!  For a partial list of the team names and competitors click here.

Pilgrims & Armadillos

Best estimates are that, along with the 39 competitors, we had several hundred Pilgrims and more than a few Armadillos, which caused problems never before experienced at a Rib-Off.  Those of you that were there know what happened and I don't have to elaborate.  Nuff' said!

Best of Show & Best Ribs

Team Van Camp, captained by Shane "Cueball" Zimmerman captured the "Best of Show" trophy and the Rock n' Ribs team, captained by Percy Elam, in his first-ever Rib-Off competition, captured the title of "Best Ribs".  Details of the competition are sketchy and there's not much more to say!

Long Drive Champion

We can't remember, but we're pretty sure somebody hit one over the river!

Stick Horse Rodeo

Nope...Wanda's still missing!

Rib-Off Band

Yeah... I can't remember their name (the drummer, I think), but they were great!  Was it Lynam?

Rib-Off Theme Song

No clue!

Rib-Off XIX

Well, H.H.T.J. is back and after a one-year hiatus the Rib-Off is a private, invitation-only event once again!

The date was August 23, 2003 and it was hotter n' hell!

Because it was so DAMN hot, H.H.T.J. (against the wishes of EVERYBODY in attendance) chose to go shirtless, and apparently ruined the appetite of most of the pilgrims and all of the armadillos in attendance!  Click Here to see the Snapshots from the event for the gruesome visuals!

Anyway, the contest was held down at Max's Landing for the first time ever!  Since H.H.T.J.'s "squeeze", Pam, became half owner of the Swamp and because Max's Landing (which is right next to The Swamp) is such a perfect place to have the event, it is possible that the Rib-Off has finally found a permanent home!  I know, I know, I've said that before, but this could be the real thing, since it's on privately owned property and we're in good with the owner (for the time being, anyway!).

Here are the details of Rib-Off XIX, as best as I can recall...

Judging Staff

Since this was a fairly small event (5 teams...ya gotta start somewhere!),  H.H.T.J. decided to appoint two Senior Executive Chief Deputy Judges to assist him.

They were: S.E.C.D.J. Jeff "Slingshot" Davis and S.E.C.D.J. Mike "Mr. BBQ" Hancock, who were both judging for the sixth time.

As a special favor (mostly because he owns the property) H.H.T.J. allowed the Max "Mad Max" Tezanos to serve as an "Apprentice" Judge for the event.  Although "Mad Max" was a competent and (overly) enthusiastic apprentice, I'm guessing that he won't have that position in future Rib-Offs (unless Renae "Sugar Ray" Tezanos changes her mind!).

The judging was impartial, the rulings were swift and each Judge got lots of "Special Attention" (especially the "Apprentice" Judge) from the Competitors, their Pilgrims and the Cheerleaders!  We really dig that!

Teams

There were 5 teams competing in Rib-Off XIX and the competition was friendly, yet fierce!  For a complete list of the team names and the competitors, simply click here.

Pilgrims & Armadillos

Best estimates are that, along with the 15 competitors, we had over a hundred Pilgrims and more than a few Armadillos, including local politicians, who were asked to quit politicing or leave!  (One quit, the other one left!)

Best of Show & Best Ribs

The Master Basters, captained by Holland "H.P." Powell captured the "Best of Show" trophy and Darren "Wildman" McGilberry, in his first-ever Rib-Off competition as a Team Captain, captured the title of "Best Ribs".  Details of the competition are sketchy and there's not much more to say!

Rib-Off Chip-Off Champion

Since this year's contest was held on Beech Creek (75 yards wide) instead of the Alabama River (275 yards wide), H.H.T.J. decided to cancel the Long Drive Competition in favor of an event that requires a bit more finesse than brute strength, The Rib-Off Chip-Off!  Competitors paid $1 per chance to chip a golf ball off an astroturf door mat into a floating hula-hoop approximately 60 yards away.  The plan was that the winner would take all of the money collected up to that point, but no one could hit the target!  The contest ended in a tie when it was determined that Gordon "Gordo" McLendon and Beau "BoBo" Boyd had both "one-hopped" the ball into the hoop!  I think they split about $170!

Stick Horse Rodeo

Wanda The Wonder Horse remains undefeated after 18 years of competition and H.H.T.J. officially announced her retirement from the rigors and stress of the yearly Stick Horse Rodeo!  Hopefully, next year we'll see some new blood in this highly-regarded contest.

Rib-Off Entertainment

This year we had the incredibly funny and talented Paul Garner from Demopolis pickin' and singin' for the crowd.  Paul says he plays BOTH kinds of music...Country AND Western!  He was great! 

Rib-Off Theme Song

This year's Rib-Off Theme Song was "Cowboy Man" by Lyle Lovett, nominated by Stan "Big Daddy" Robertson, H.H.T.J.'s "Brother-By-Another-Mother"!

Rib-Off XX

Well, it took us 24 years, but we finally celebrated our 20th Anniversary!!

The date was September 4, 2004 and it was STILL hot, but not like last year!  (Notice we're moving the event closer and closer to the Fall trying to find a time when the weather is more tolerable!!!)

Anyway, the contest was again held down at Max's Landing and I'm stickin' by my prediction that the Rib-Off has finally found a permanent home!

Here are the details of Rib-Off XX, as best as I can recall...

Judging Staff

In honor of the 20th Anniversary of the Rib-Off, H.H.T.J. decided it was time to train a couple of new Judges for the Judge's Pool, so he appointed two seasoned Rib-Off Competitors to "Deputy Judgeships".  Turns out, it was an excellent move 'cause both rookies performed flawlessly!  The newest Judges are David "Big-D" Pitts and Fielding "Freddy" Watts.

In addition to these new Judges, D.J. "Mad" Max Tezanos served at his second competition and S.A.E.C.D.J. Mike "Mr. BBQ" Hancock adjudicated his 8th Rib-Off (almost a record!)

The judging was impartial, the rulings were swift and each Judge got lots of "Special Attention" from the Competitors, their Pilgrims and the Cheerleaders!  We really dig that!

Teams

There were 4 teams competing in Rib-Off XX and the competition was friendly, yet fierce!  Three of the teams were seasoned veterans and we had a bunch of "Rookie Ribbers" representing the Jack Daniels Distillery, who really put on a good show for first timers!  (In fact, the other teams could take lessons on how to bribe from the Jack Daniels Team!)  For a complete list of the team names and the competitors, simply click here. 

Pilgrims & Armadillos

Best estimates are that, along with the 12 competitors, we had over a hundred Pilgrims and more than a few Armadillos!

Best of Show & Best Ribs

Team KFC, captained by Mark "Hot Wings" Woodson captured the "Best of Show" trophy due, in large part to their "Cheerleaders", who did an excellent job of making the Judges feel really special!  The Master Basters Team chose to use a Polynesian rib recipe this year (which was awesome!) and easily captured the "Best Ribs" aprons with a score of 112 points.  Team KFC came in 2nd with 103 points, followed by Team Jack Daniels with 76 points and Team Medina brought up the rear with 73 points.  Other details of the competition are sketchy and there's not much more to say!

Rib-Off Chip-Off Champion

Beech Creek was the site of the 2nd Annual Rib-Off Chip-Off!  Here's the deal...competitors pay $1 per chance to chip a golf ball off an astroturf door mat into a floating hula-hoop approximately 60 yards away with whoever can ring it taking all of the money collected up to that point.  However, the target proved to be elusive once again and it looked like we were going to have to declare the no-golfingist sum-bitch ever, Shane "Cue Ball" Zimmerman, the winner because his ball hit the ring after a hop and three skips across the water!  Fortunately the contest ended when David "Big-D" Pitts swished one and was clearly the winner!  I think he won about $120!

Stick Horse Rodeo

Wanda The Wonder Horse remains undefeated after 20 years of competition and H.H.T.J. officially announced her retirement from the rigors and stress of the yearly Stick Horse Rodeo!  Hopefully, next year we'll see some new blood in this highly-regarded contest.

Rib-Off Entertainment

This year we had the incredibly talented Lance "Sir Lancelot" Lisenby from Montgomery pickin' and singin' for the crowd.  (FYI - Lance was involved in a collision with a train on New Year's Eve and lost his left arm)  He was great at the Rib-Off and he's doing great since his tragedy (in fact, he's opened up a music store in Millbrook!)! 

Rib-Off Theme Song

This year's Rib-Off Theme Song was "Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson, nominated by Robin "Crunchy Rangs" Sanders.

Rib-Off XXI

Wow!  What a GREAT Rib-Off!!!  Possibly the best ever...certainly the best in recent memory (in spite of three "Bonehead Moves" from H.H.T.J.!)  As you read this missive, be looking for mention of those "Bonehead Moves" (each of which are directly related to his CRS Syndrome!)  Here we go...

The date was October 15, 2005 and the weather was PERFECT for ribbing (72º at 12:00 noon!!!!)

The contest was again held down at Max's Landing and I'm now confident that the Rib-Off has finally found a permanent home!  

Here are the details of Rib-Off XXI, and they should be fairly accurate, since the event was only two days ago!...

Judging Staff

Back in 1993, David "Weemer" Weems joined the fray with two of his co-workers from Birmingham Packaging Corporation.  One of those two players was Blaine "Massuh" Tharpe, who is now the Manager of The world-famous 5-Star Plantation over in Alexander City.  A couple of months ago, Blaine decided to have a "Mini" Rib-Off at 5-Star and H.H.T.J. was invited to attend as a "guest" Competitor on the Master-Basters team.  The Master-Basters placed 2nd in that competition (a travesty!) and it was obvious (at least to H.H.T.J.!) that the officiating was  "less than adequate"!

Well, being the charitable soul he is,  H.H.T.J. decided to invite "Massuh" to serve as a "Deputy Judge" of a REAL Rib-Off and as a special favor to The Master-Basters, agreed to allow them to see the "inner workings" of a Rib-Off Judging Staff, as well.

Consequently, we had three "Rookie" Judges this year and they were all awesome adjudicators!  They were D.J. Blaine "Massuh" Tharpe, D.J. Holland "H.P." Powell and D.J. Joe "The Janitor" Gardner.

In addition to these new Judges, D.J. David "Big D" Pitts officiated his second contest, D.J. "Mad" Max Tezanos served at his third competition and S.E.C.D.J. Gordon "Gordo" McLendon adjudicated his 6th Rib-Off.

The judging was impartial, the rulings were swift and each Judge got lots of "Special Attention" from the Competitors, their Pilgrims and the Cheerleaders!  The Judges really dig that!

Teams

There were 10 teams competing in Rib-Off XXI and the competition was friendly, yet fierce!  Five of the teams had played before (two were seasoned veterans) and the other five were a bunch of "Rookie Ribbers".

The fact is, with few exceptions, the rookies put on just as good a show as the veterans!  As a matter of fact, this year's Rib-Off Championship went to a team that has never competed before...ever!  For a complete list of the team names and the competitors, simply click here. 

Pilgrims & Armadillos

Best estimates are that, along with the 30 competitors, we had several hundred Pilgrims and, thank goodness, very few Armadillos!  Bonehead move #1...H.H.T.J. forgot to order the Port-a-Potties (for the ladies)!  Miracle save #1...He opened the side door to The Swamp and announced that any ladies who needed to "freshen up" could do so in real bathrooms...The ladies LOVE H.H.T.J.!

Best of Show & Best Ribs

Team KFC, captained by Mark "Hot Wings" Woodson captured the "Best of Show" trophy AGAIN, due in large part to his "Cheerleaders", who did an excellent job of making the Judges feel really special!  (In large part, my big 'ol Butt!...It was ALL due to their Cheerleaders!...H.H.T.J.)

Team Captain Chris "Rooster" Ross, really had something to crow about this year!  In their 1st competition EVER, Team Ross Hog pulled off a rare feat...they won the "Best Ribs" title and are this years Rib-Off Champions!  Their secret sauce was delicious (I hear he's thinkin' about sellin' it to the public!) and their ribs were cooked perfectly!

Other details of the competition are sketchy and there's not much more to say!

Rib-Off Chip-Off Champion

Beech Creek was the site of the 3rd Annual Rib-Off Chip-Off!  Here's the deal...competitors pay $1 per chance to chip a golf ball off an Astroturf door mat (Bonehead move #2...H.H.T.J. forgot the doormat and they had to hit off the dirt...Sorry guys, no Miracle save here!) into a floating hula-hoop approximately 60 yards away with whoever can ring it taking all of the money collected up to that point.  However, the target proved to be elusive once again and this year we had to have a "closest to the target" competition to determine the winner.  Unbelievably, S.E.C.D.J. Gordon "Gordo" McLendon was eventually declared the winner (for the second time in three years!) and I think he won about $235!

Stick Horse Rodeo

The Stickhorse Rodeo is back on!

Unknown to anybody, D.J. David "Big D" Pitts has secretly been raising a young colt (from birth) just to participate in this sorely missed Rib-Off event and he brought the colt out for this year's event!

The colts name?   "Merlin The Magic Wonder Horse" and boy, is he something to see!  Although he only stands 14 hands high, you can tell there's Championship blood coursing through his veins just by watching him perform!  What a Stud!

Merlin took top honors in all the Stickhorse events this year and watching him perform reminded me of "Sea Biscuit's" glorious 1938 season of victories.  This is definitely a horse to keep your eyes on!

Rib-Off Entertainment

Bonehead move #3...H.H.T.J. forgot to hire a performer for this year's event!  Miracle save #2...the Alabama/Old Miss game started at 11:00 a.m. (Alabama won!) and we watched it on a big-screen TV (borrowed from The Swamp!).  Miracle save #3...The game lasted until 2:30 p.m. and when it was over Adrian "A.J." Johnson whipped out his axe, grabbed the mike and played for the remainder of the afternoon!  (Thanks, A.J.!...H.H.T.J.)

Rib-Off Theme Song

For the first time in a long time, there was renewed interest in the Rib-Off Theme Song Competition and there were 5 songs nominated:

Because two of the nominated songs already had the distinction of being theme songs of past Rib-Offs, H.H.T.J. was forced to declare them "scratched" from consideration, which left "Good 'Ol Boys", "Take Me Home" and "Barbeque" to be voted on.

Although "Good 'Ol Boys had a strong contingent of supporters, the title went to "Barbeque" by Robert Earl Keen (seems apropos, doesn't it?...H.H.T.J.).

The crowd agreed that "Take Me Home" had a great beat and they gave it an 8 on the "Dance-O-Meter", but it just didn't feel "Country" enough! 

NOTE: 

The information from the current years Rib-Off is transferred here after each contest, so for a synopsis of the most recent event, go to the Rib-Off Review.

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